The Day I Felt Guilty

I'd already told you that I really being shocked by my grandfather's death in my blog http://chulaku.blogspot.com/2010/10/why-do-i-fear-phones.html. But the actual reaon was that it was the time when I was supposed to join some nice schools across the states, but i was unable to do that because my grandfather was facing life and death in my home. And by that anger came a very bad wish, i asked God either make him fine very soon, or take his life. But the God didn't take the good side of the wish, he choosed the bad part, and my grandfather died the same day in my lap, and I've nothing to do, but lament on the situation, which I had put myself in. That guilt is so overpowering that it still feel my heart with pain.